I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
