Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
