We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
