I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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