I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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