you would pick up someone in the library
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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