The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
