You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
