Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
