Apparently you make a good broom.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
