Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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