Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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