Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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