And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
