i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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