I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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