i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
