4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
