So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
