No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
