My hair reeks of homosexuality.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
