What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
