He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
