I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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