I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
