The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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