Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Life is so much better after having sex.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
