I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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