no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
