Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
