I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
