her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
