So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
