I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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