I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
