But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
