the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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