What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
