My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
