I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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