i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
its liver damage thursday
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
