ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He passed out mid-signature
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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