help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
