someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
