Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
