hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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