Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
