i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
