chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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