You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
