I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
